This smile isn't due to life going according to plan. It's due to curve balls, unexpected events, unfortunate tragedy, and how hard I fought to achieve what I now have. It is gratefulness. It is love after loss. It is mending a broken heart that I know will never fully heal. In the midst of all the pain of losing my first born, I found bits and pieces of hope, many setbacks and disappointments, and a determination to have the chance to be a mother again. Needless to say, when

There are moments in life that split you in two: the person you were before, and the person you become after. Losing my baby boy in 2020 was that moment for me. I was forever changed the day I held him — and the day I had to let him go. I remember the hopes I had for him. The little clothes waiting in drawers. The dreams I whispered to him when no one else was listening. In my heart, he was already here. I was already a mother. And even though the world may not see him, or sp

Early this morning, as I sit in my chair and slowly sip on my coffee, I glance over at my daughter sitting on the couch. She has her...

4 Years ago was the worst day of my life, and somehow I lived through the trauma, and now here I am. I have my health, a few good...

I keep imagining a 3-year-old running around, playing with his little sister, fighting over toys and attention. I keep picturing what our...

My life would've taken a completely different path if you were here today, and I've thought of that every single day you've been gone....

Today I am 23 weeks and 5 days pregnant with baby no. 2. Somehow, this milestone almost slipped right from under me today. Milo was this...

It’s not as glorious as one would think. The roller coaster of emotions is overwhelming. Grateful but guilty. Happy but sad. Allow me to...

The grief still creeps up on me, the loneliness, the feeling of yearning to hold Milo again. It doesn’t come around as much as it used...

As I sat there staring at my son’s name on his grave, I knew life would never be the same. I felt myself change that day, and then more...

July 29, 2020 It was 2 weeks since I had delivered Milo, and my body was still flowing with pregnancy hormones. I was feeling emotional...

July 16, 2020 It was dark and quiet in my hospital room. My mother re-entered my room, after her lengthy conversation with the security...

I had barely gotten one hour of sleep the night before terminating my pregnancy. That morning, I felt sick to my stomach. As I got ready...

I've been having a hard time adjusting lately. Adjusting to the pain and emptiness of not having Milo in my life. Adjusting to how the...

July 9, 2020 I hadn’t slept at all the night before my appointment with St-Justine hospital. The full day appointments began at 7am,...

I had just gotten the bad news at my appointment at Eco Medic clinic, that there was something wrong with my baby. They had urgently...

The day that you were born I didn’t know who I’d meet I didn’t know when looking down I’d have an angel at my feet. You came to me so...

On June 29, 2020, I had my 21-week ultrasound to determine our baby’s gender. My husband and I were planning a gender reveal on July 4th...

May 2020 My husband wasn’t as enthusiastic as I was for our big pregnancy announcement. “Let’s just tell people when we see them”, he’d...

“If you don’t talk about it, grief really starts to fortify and sets up its position inside of you and begins to immobilize you. The more...