With All My Heart

There are moments in life that split you in two: the person you were before, and the person you become after. Losing my baby boy in 2020 was that moment for me.

I was forever changed the day I held him — and the day I had to let him go.

I remember the hopes I had for him. The little clothes waiting in drawers. The dreams I whispered to him when no one else was listening. In my heart, he was already here. I was already a mother. And even though the world may not see him, or speak his name often, he will always be mine.

Five years have passed since that day, and I sit here before with his little sister, a toddler now, and a little brother on the way. It’s mind blowing to see all we have gone trough in the last 5 years. The decisions we’ve made, the people we’ve lost and new ones we’ve welcomed. One thing that holds true is I will always hold Milo in my heart, since he changed it forever.

In these past five years, I’ve tried to find ways to honor him — to keep his memory alive in a world that moves on too fast. Sometimes it’s lighting a candle. Sometimes it’s talking to him in my head. Sometimes it’s crying in the car when no one’s around. And sometimes, it’s writing — like this — so his story continues, even in small ways.

The truth is, there are no perfect words for this kind of grief. It’s messy and quiet and heavy all at once. It shows up in the silence, in unexpected tears, in the ache that never fully goes away. I’ve learned that grief isn’t something you "get over" — it becomes part of you, woven into who you are. It teaches you how deep love can go, even when there’s no physical presence to hold.

I share this today not because I’ve found peace or closure, but because he deserves to be remembered. And because there might be another mother reading this who needs to know she’s not alone. That her love, her pain, and her child — all matter.

To my sweet boy:

You were wanted.

You were loved.

You are missed.

And you will never, ever be forgotten.

With all my heart,

Mommy